Conscious Abandon, DBA The Ghost Town
Feedback differs. Sporadically I’ll receive criticism of an arrogance
or inability to talk about anything besides myself. Then I remembered I was
raised with a notion, one we called manners, that you don’t speak about people
who aren’t in the room. So, whom else would, or could, I speak of? The idea
that someone would be getting to know you, while you talk about anyone else
seems like an overzealous fan of Leo Aikman, who is quoted as saying- “You can tell more about a person by what he
says about others than you can by what others say about him.”
My personality has adapted a great number of tools to enhance the life of
myself, and even more for others. These are tactical changes which provide a
better life experience internally and externally. Sure, people can appreciate
that I have carpentry skills and beyond around the house, keep things
structured financially and thoroughly clean, and yet there’s an obtusely
flexible side to things… I work to earn money so that my home is paid for and I
have reclused peace.
Randomly I’ve examined messaging platforms and added in my phone bill to find a
better understanding of just how many communications (outside of work) I am
part of each month… I found the number extraordinary. Though I don’t think many
folks do this. So, I have no idea what any sort of average would be. I find the
tens of thousands of exchanges per month to classify me as quite accessible and
otherwise likeable. A man who exchanges voice, text, and other communications
roughly 2 for every minute of the month… Once you perform some math and adjust
for sleeping hours, the ratio only goes up. Paradoxical at best for someone who
has uninterrupted 3-day weekends and chooses volunteer work or solitude over a
great many opportunities to spend time with others.
I feel this unusual responsibility to engage in fruitless conversations with
the intuition that someone is appreciating attention on the other side. A similar
mindset to when I volunteer for nonprofit work; to give back after so many
humbling opportunities in the workspace over the last few years. There’s a
question that should arise… Isn’t that being somewhat disingenuous, perhaps
rising to totally dishonest?
My vision for this is to pay it forward while building another’s self-worth
into their eventual partner’s ear. When measures of confidence hit the
airwaves, the old wrestling mentality enters the frame. If I am nobody… then
the woman I am with has a generic partner. Confidence is not arrogance.
Anything based in metrics is immune to the same antagonistic description. The
better I am, the more important or astonishing of a person someone is speaking
with, enhancing both parties of the conversation.
There were many personal goals to ascend professionally, own my home, develop
my freelance writing, and share more audible brainstorms on the podcast.
They’re all working at inconsistent intervals. My life has always been
seasonal. However, from my interactions with others- climate changing behaviors
are not unlike the social culture that has destroyed the fabric of
compatibility. Most folks are simply not tolerant or tempered to endure
traditional means. Modern convenience of too many suitors and so many
distractions overwhelms most folks thinking of getting through the slightest of
difficulties.
As they become more sheltered, they continue consumption. The behaviors which
brought upon our current climate continue despite the threatening consequences.
Not unlike the pursuit of relationships, where folks have developed barriers of
entry and stereotypical countermeasures when rational thoughts are in play.
Each situation is more sensitive than ever before, with more choices each day.
Though the reward for a committed pursuit far outweighs the thirsty troughs…
Most will choose to rehydrate in the muddy waters online. Severing highly
engaging situations to start over as if dating is an arcade game with a reset
button at any inconvenience. Endless credits on a new frontier where time is
not a factor.
Virtual debates and otherwise are conducted with this same level of near
anonymity as social media arguments are perceived as less than reality.
Remember, its just ‘the internet.’
Somehow the perception of fear from meeting folks for courtship is amplified. Cyberspace
as a starting point is assumed to be a place where identities are manipulated
toward anything needed on the other side. In genuine fashion, folks are fearful
things will not be as they digitally appear. However, this is not easy to
overcome when the assumptions are incorrect. However, having automation ingrained into these circumstances gives a whole new meaning to non-verbal
ques. Short of moving everything to video, every other communication removes the
most important pieces of knowing someone. There’s no more looking someone in
the eye, posture, hygiene, and a host of other details that are vital to
comfort when trying to be around someone, whatever the purpose may be.
Conversations are disrupted with inverted questions, ugly motives, and what
many think are unbreakable justifications to be dealt out like face cards. If
nothing else, it seems to be a cultural shift to ‘win’ the conversation. Think
of this… even as I write this – In the beginning I will write to be creative…
then, I will read to criticize. Simply to correct myself and look at
self-improvement. That is not something the majority of humans embrace
externally.
Defusing any of these accusatory and intolerant notions is a proverbial end to
the dialogue. Some sort of terminal condition that is executed when healthy
conversation, now known as criticism or narcissism appears. In reality, these
sorts of circumstances happen because so much of our exchanges happen with
personal controls on phone apps. Simply select a person and remove their
comment, restrict their access, or even totally block them. We never had these
options with dial and digital radios… You had to change and continuously avoid
the station. Now there’s thumbs down, unfollow, and beyond to never hear from
that source again.
Human beings should not be expected to discern a change in patterns of
communications- on vs offline. The same device controls the text window as the
social media. Each of these things carries weight. Yet somehow things expressed
over the internet are treated like the weightlessness of an astronaut in space.
As if they have no merit and happen some magical place. The rhythm folks drum
up carries with them everywhere. To the point that inclusive folks are not-so-secretly
hypocritically prohibiting other’s points of view. By dealing out of one of
their vilifying exchanges, they’ve accomplished complete sabotage. Instantly
changing from someone who carries a mantra that we all matter to, everyone but
you.
Surprisingly the general attitude is that a relationship is not needed but
wanted. Which means any possible match is an expendable option. Leaving will
forever be on the table. The sort of vampirical dance floor I’ve written about previously,
where a conductor orchestrates the conversations toward a specific vision. One
or both individuals approaching things like an interrogation to potentially,
and inevitably, disqualify someone from further communication. Attempting to
build familiarity and embrace imperfection is a deviation which leads to the
sort of punishment you might see at a corporation. Something has measures up to
and including termination…
Those moments don’t leave room to negotiate. For myself, opportunities to
combat injustice are intrinsically motivating and require action. However, each
instance has left a clear outline that insecure language is just a piece of the
exit strategy. Any kind of healthy debate with mutual respect is yesteryear. Replaced
by an amplified x-ray to achieve total compatibility. A 100% satisfaction
guaranteed, check all the boxes sort of match. Any fractures trigger the self-described
open-minded to then discard the simplest of imperfections with a prejudice. Engaging
means total resources dedicated to narrowing down the dating pool, especially
being able to dissect the one voice picked from the crowd. When everything is
expendable, no one is exceptional.
Never forget that control is an illusion. Nancy Reagan championed a “Just Say
No!” to drugs campaign previously. These sorts of slogans have led to the
charge for advertising and yet, there’s a mockery that follows the realizations
that mere words are not heavy enough to crush spirits. Any time language is weaponized,
the concept of free speech dissolves any advantageous liberties taken. Perhaps
someone is referring toward words as unhappy or even hostile…
That course of action is perception without having asked for clarity. As the
film Under Siege 2: Dark Territory made clear, “Assumption is the mother
of all [f] ups.” The author is forever able to clear up inaccuracies. Such as
explaining intentions and letting anyone know their voice will not be hijacked.
Ugly tricks of conversational terrorism are possible from all sides. Like sitting
on buzzwords resembling a teenager clinking up the opening hill of a
rollercoaster, ready for disaster to unwind. Now imagine engineering this sort
of friendly fire to bring a false dilemma to a fictional end. Denying people a
chance for clarity is a scorched Earth method. Engage and battle, then burn and
run.
Previously I found these kinds of dead ends to be a beneficial collection of worst-case
scenarios. In modern times, I’d always rather get along than to reinforce the refractured
logic that turns an attacker into a hypocrite. No one wins an argument… I feel
calloused to the glancing blows of treacherous self-images. I’ve found a fresh
place where accepting each opportunity with pure innocence has no stress or
preconceived distractions. Apparently, these are rare locations which are
statistically exceptionally hard to find in return.
One philosophy, which I choose, is having faith until there’s reason to
question. The lack of skepticism leaves extra energy for thoughtfulness and
playful receptors that achieve easier smiles. Being the change that you hope to
see leaves empty shoulders. There are no bags to check, making mobility quite
swift.
Often there’s a fearful reservation towards engaging. People will hold back and
withhold vulnerability. This is another complete opposite to my approach of
being able to accept a person at their most difficult times, otherwise having
no place in their lives when they are easier to support. How simple is it to
have compassion and find understanding in each of the circumstances of life?
Sure, many things are going to be the consequence of a bad choice. As I’ve
referred to the ‘gravity of decisions,’ I’m reminded how unpredictable the
human psyche can be when well-intentioned words are met with amplification. I
may never raise my voice again… and I cannot recall the last time.
Plausibility is part of having a dialogue. There’s multiple variations, often
ones we weren’t prepared for, that may return from things said with a good
nature. Subjectivity can turn love into a permanent misunderstanding. I’ve
refused to accept the notion that a listener determines intent. However, a
difference in opinion here creates obstructing principles. Ones which I meet
head-on with a question of faith, in asking- does a listener get to provide the
voice of the author? A person who develops an idea loses control once they
share it? The US Patent & Copyright Office have forever agreed with the
author…
This is a quarter of the four foundations I believe a great relationship is
built upon. Those are: plausibility, honesty, integrity, and respect. With
respect to the parties communicating, there’s a correctional aspect of telling
someone just what they might’ve said. However, mechanically certain things are
absolute.
Language is based upon words with clear definitions, often accompanied by
qualifications, such as numbers. Calling a single person ‘they’ is
grammatically incomprehensible. Because there’s a plural meaning of more than
one person behind the word. If you’ve traveled this path with a variation, then
I am quite curious what mathematical answers you would accept if I asked for a
range of numbers greater than or equal to two… is One a correct answer?
Throwing engineering out the window is not an option for me.
As a person who is fascinated with systems and building infrastructure from a
personal and professional perspective, there’s such a large incompatibility
rate with folks who compromise stability. Imagine seeking security and
consistency with a partner who is willing to swap out values. Perhaps I should
try this… Sending in $1 dollar for every two, or even $50, and explaining to
the mortgage group that they should accept my opinion of these otherwise clearly
defined numerical differences as valid. This could change all of self-worth,
just think that having a few bucks in the bank is just as secure as thousands
or millions.
There’s ground to lay the case for dissociative personality here. Yet, you’ve
got a single social security number and one birth certificate. Do folks with bipolar
or multiple characters get extra funerals? If not, Why is that…
Exaggeration is an exacerbation of the basic flaws that will cripple anything
under pressure. Perhaps this universal understanding is why we treat one
another as slides under a microscope. Carefully, or not, analyzing criteria we can
then use to categorically diagnose one another. These amateur sciences determine
the chemistry desired between potential partners. A rather unscrupulous version
of beliefs rather than peer reviewed scrutiny.
Reality is that times change. Human beings have mood swings, don't always tell
the truth, and are unpredictably metamorphosizing the social world. Holding on
to traditional values leaves you incompatible with these negotiable intentions
and morals of modern times. There is no time travel and we can't seem to
restore integrity. As much as I want to have a pure mind, it seems relatively
impossible to find the serenity I share with myself possible with another.
Reasons are important to me. With children that are healthy and happy, there's
not a fundamental familial motivation for me to build some refuge to save them.
Likewise, I’m more productive than ever and humility is important to me, the
term stopping while you're ahead comes to mind. It doesn't take away that I
have desires to be with somebody else or enjoy company, but it's not a
necessity. I prefer the solid high-ground which I sacrificed many times to reach.
The more that things are negotiable, unstable, and turn to quicksand- the
farther I get from them. I’ve heard it described in a way that life sucks and
then you die… Not from where I am standing.
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The Lost Cause
Tom Morello featuring Manchester Orchestra
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