Pauper Insolvent
The steps of being a self-defeating person are similar to masochism. One psychological, another mental, as if no one is watching and yet, said person is always observing internally while projecting. A forcefield outward or an object inward.
Little can deter their thought process. What was once objective consideration is now corrupted and unfair. Specifically, to themselves and how any situation needs to unevenly disperse weight to their disadvantage.
This is not out of goodwill or great compassion. In any, such a ratio exists out of coincidence. Though it may seem as if they're shouldering a burden, this is consequential by design, intended to overwhelm themselves. Not of generosity to anyone externally, but to mimic the internal pressure felt within.
This intensification helps play out the manifestation of poor self worth. Optimism is a fleeting charade they use. Dealing three-card Monty and keeping success out of reach with the dealer and player being one and the same.
Each hand fit with wins nullified by loses; Expanding the house of cards. Decreasing odds that smother and leave no room to breathe. Oxygen fleeting as proportions change with every breath.
Just below the surface systems are failing. An implosion with the slightest wind. The tower of thin skin, the outstretched deck will fall with any pressure. So fragile and vulnerable, yet a formation of its own pieces.
Slightest of notions can bring the system down. Ending the charade of any competitive drive.
Inevitably losing to one's self; Intentionally throwing the game. Extinguishing all chances of amelioration.
