The Conscience of Distance

    

    The gift of space and time, like food will spoil as they age. There's a responsibility we have as caregivers and neighbors to keep folks on the radar. Just enough to say hello and not too far away to deliver first aid. Like a runner on first base, we take a stride and get a lead. We're ready for action and waiting to run home. But, sometimes that lead off gets us picked off. 

    We get a comfortable distance from the safest and closest base. Forgetting to check what's going on around us. Caught high and dry and tagged out. This happens to everyone at some point. We only meant to enhance our team. No one is out there trying to be left on base or caught stealing.

    Communication often mimics the base runners of baseball. We work hard and wear down the lady to make it to first base. We've hit it off and ended up on base. Sometimes additional bases for the lucky strikes. We often only get so far. This is where my analogy seemingly runs out. However, I didn't dream this up about dating. The concept is about communication at large.

    You see, folks in a community, like a batting lineup check on one another. Sometimes people are there to give us the gossip and the signs. Like a base coach there's a preacher or some organizer who feeds you the constructive news you need to hear. Maybe that's coming from the Lord or maybe Town Hall. 

    When we have this cycle of communication, we can be better neighbors. Information, after all, is the most valuable commodity I know of. A quote from Gordon Gecko, as Michael Douglas is the tycoon in 1989's Wallstreet. He was using information to be malicious and greedy. 

    As a collective organism, human beings can use information for so much good. Early warning systems for storms and otherwise improving systems of life. However, when the cycle slows down there's often a drop in the quality of life. Strange to think that, because life moves so fast now that perhaps too much information overwhelms us.

    After all, if there's a limited amount of time, but an increase in what we have to decipher, it cannot be accomplished. Certainly not thoroughly. This is where people get left on base. As we fail to acknowledge each line of communication, each bogie on the radar, they become lost. These instances might be what other people are asking for. 

    They want the last word or they need space and silence. What a shame that like food with a rapidly approaching rate of decay, these are their wishes. The conversations lose context and relevance. We cannot pace things and as these moments happen, people deteriorate. A helplessness between those who are unable to save them and the willful disconnect of the asker.

    When the silence begins, there's priorities and things divide folks. They need a little space to get something done. The quiet and focus allows them to concentrate and there's fewer, if any, distractions. As this process continues, consciously or not, the chances are less likely they ever return to the frivolous conversation. The sort of dialogue you have when trying to date someone or maintain the social relationships outside of work. 

    The suspension of the conversation most often means the end of all talking. There's a habitual nature to everything we do. Once we've broken the cycle of communication, rarely does it ever resume. Don't take my word for it. Delete the conversations you've not sent or received a message in for more than two days. In my experience, that break will never be bridged. 

    Throughout my life these seasons of change have been a consistent pattern. Former co-workers, teammates, and otherwise will be present for the duration of what's necessary. Showing up for the scheduled shifts or games. I've seen their faces long after the obligations ended. In those moments there's a dilemma over whether to acknowledge the past. 

    Do you have adverse feelings if the loose talks hit a moment of complacency and never return? Perhaps there are chances lost. Beautiful daydreams with a potential partner are gone. There's no momentum left to steer. Everything needs a fresh start from a stationary position. Like a new inning with none out and no one on base. 

    There are some wicked factors into engineering a bridge across the silence. Especially with my routine of clearing an inbox. I do that as a safety feature. This method has a built-in fail-safe where you can only hear back from the other party. Without their contact info I couldn't initiate anything anyway. 

    One of the ugly faces of diversity is that the people who are sitting in silence are also without motivation. Would you believe this same lack of energy goes into how they sort through the quality of characters they converse with? The chances of a person stepping up and rekindling the talks with any individual, high or low caliber, are just the same. Without a value system, this random selection process never improves. 

    Like a hitter without patience or a keen eye, they're giving anything a chance. Swinging at wild pitches and chasing unsavory trajectories into disappointment. Reduced chances of ever hitting it off or getting on base. These folks who aren't watching for the signs or practicing patience suffer terribly. Their statistics are not the All-Star kind of performances that have other people noticing them.

    Individuals seek notoriety for many reasons. They want to be noticed for fashion or performance. These are things that begin a dialogue. Like whatever catches your eye on their social media or dating profile. These become points of exploration. For many, popularity will outweigh any skill. The vanity of being noticed and talked about helps to market themselves. 

    Utility player is a term for a jack of all-trades on the field. However, those will never be the most searched or highest paid folks in the game. Like the good fellas on any form of social media. A variety of skills to be able to show compassion, but also having the ingenuity to dig into deep conversations. The concept of escaping vanity is also about bringing math and science back into the mix. Basing things on measurable values and then decisions have consequences attached to them. Forces of nature so to speak, like the feeling the gravity of decisions. 

    Melody has intrigued me, throughout my life, and I believe it always will. The rhythm of a song or the pace of game. The underdog taking an epic onslaught and coming back to defeat the villain. I cannot imagine if they'd thrown in the towel or refuse to finish the contest. The old days would see labels like cowards and yellow-bellies shouted in their direction. 

    Circumstances like these will never apply to digital communication. The shame can be cleared out like cache. Folks equipped with a block button and privacy settings to create their own narrative. Nothing is lost when dignity was never present. They've not left anyone on base or chances unfulfilled.

    For me, there's a sad peripheral as I look at the younger folks and they've been through a struggling education system. In another direction are folks who are hardened like concrete and dismiss change because they'd have to learn something fresh. How does the saying go:  You can't teach an old dog a new tolerance?

    Research in this article was provided for by the uncertainty of silence. The disappointment that follows those deleted conversations records each broken piece. As a new conversation begins, there's a forecast that's looking unpleasant. Because there's a recorded history, like those baseball cards have stats.

    Over the course of events that led us here, we sometimes win and other times lose. The breaks in communication kill the lights. Like unplugging something separates the electrical circuit from completion. Do you ever forget the drop of the rollercoaster? Now imagine the tracks are disconnected. 

    Staying in touch with people is the best practice I know of. Don't let them doubt anything, if you can help it. Perhaps you want to try my experiment? Clear your inbox, you won't miss anything. Make sure people aren't backed up in your contacts. Wait and see if you remember whose number appears or where the conversation was.

    Could you identify the spices of your cabinet in the dark? How well do you know your friends when they're silent? There's a reason these situations sound like a disability is changing your ability to succeed. Now imagine running the bases blind or having zero communication between pitcher and catcher. Safety barriers we all took for granted are compromised. 

    They say, "teamwork makes the dream work." Pretty hard on the chances for success when you don't communicate or show up at all. Coming together is a simple thing with consistent exchanges. Not knowing who's on what team, whom you can count on, throws everything out the window. Consistency is key and provides our greatest chance for a desirable outcome. 

    Places of employment call it quitting, or a voluntary dismissal, when someone stops showing up. Now, reimagine folks being accountable. Acknowledging one another each time they are addressed. No longer do dark curiosities betray our faith in communicating. Speaking when spoken to develops a habitual responsiveness inside all of us. It'll never be someone else's responsibility for your lack of communication.