Mannerisms

     A brisk walk, by the man in black, to deliver the creme brûlée cheesecake. The couple looks at one another in wonder. Somehow, he knew it was a special occasion. They were unaware of the ticket the host gave the server. When making the reservation, a note was entered to describe the reason for their booking. 

    When they arrived, the host opened the door and extended what a man would do to welcome someone into their home. Restaurants and companies encourage the employees, they ask them, to act like owners. Taking this initiative and responsibility extends the relationship people have with one another. As habitual creatures, we take these practices home with us. There are also personal touches we add to our work that are brought from home. 

    Simply acknowledging people or saying hello is the first step. I've previously written about simply opening the door for people. Physically being kind and allowing the person entry, but also metaphorically living out the open-door policy. When we have made an introduction, the tension begins to decrease. This is how the process of negotiation builds working relationships. Both at work and home, we need that flexibility and compromise. 

    These are not easy behaviors to learn and feel confident with. They are a skill set, as much as a man carving wood needs to work with the grain. Going against the patterns of people increases the struggle. In order to feel secure and hold one another accountable, we need simple details. A name, a face, and the fields of forms begin to fill themselves in.       

    We're taking measurements and preparing to build a lasting foundation. We may also construct boundaries or walls. Ones that will be steadfast and hold the doors we should open for one another. These sturdy limits are the places we decorate with warnings or enticing things to lure you in.     

    Some fences are built to keep things in order. From the inside and the outside, protection works both ways. Walls and doors distinguish the acceptable behaviors for communication. These courteous ways that we set up to feel comfortable and have etiquette. When we follow these patterns and can rely on one another we have great structure. Both the buildings themselves and what they represent for the process of being accountable. 

    At times desperation or need takes over the restraint to respect boundaries. An individual's hours of operation vary. Individuals never quite have the clockwork of business hours. Deciding to trespass outside of the hours of operation, whatever our mental cycles may be, activates our security systems. Some material stock or edible item is beyond discipline, putting the person at risk to be punished for their unwanted actions. 

    The reliability is what builds our earnest faith in individuals and commerce. The folks who are working behind the scenes are just as responsible for the synergy. Teamwork and community are the same thing. The host to the server, the teacher to the carpenter, all engineering the human experience. Setting each other up for success as I've heard it referred to. 

    As a person is educated and explores their aptitude, the village begins a long process. The trial and error that happens as bright eyes refuse wisdom. The young habit of roaming free and playing games where losses have no cost attached to them. Those rising folks have a debt-free entry into the working world. There's innocence on one hand, but no relatable experience with collateral damage. 

    All of the mature people around them will relate to those times. Transitioning into accountability with strangers. Growing up at home has a revolving cast, not so many variables. Working and spending become a complicated mix of allegiances. Personal values that must be determined, like whether to be loyalty to an employer. Are you a dedicated patron who shops locally? 

    Our evolving world of trial and error includes chances to support brand new concepts. This might be with our social behaviors, as well as entrepreneurs. Those developing conditions are going to change the dynamic of what we had become used to. Do they still embrace the structure and practice manners? Often when people want to start from scratch, they'd like to navigate completely. A new direction abandons what we can measure up to that point in time. 

    Investors and other supporters of that cause have hopes. Sometimes selfish ones that shortcut the systems that were previously in place. Quality and trust are the victims of these changes. Collateral damage becomes part of the pricing index rather than something to avoid at all costs. 

    For instance, the "five-second" rule in a restaurant is a myth. Friends call jinx and "buy me a Coke" in the same playful way that anything hits the floor of a kitchen. Items are discarded into the trash, but there's a significant percentage of chance that onlookers will chime in and try to bring a smile. This is because no one wants to be wasting product. Blind hope that someone can laugh at the fairy tale of saving the loss by getting it off the ground in five seconds is comical. 

    From the courtesy and surprise to the mistakes, observers see all of these things happen. A collective interpretation helps form a reputation. That shared view determines a great deal about how unfamiliar people will choose their future interactions. Plans are made through research, which likely will include reviews and word of mouth. 

    Society has little niches people can seek out to be reassessed or look to be forgiven. Working together is the ultimate goal in any of these practices. Anything less would be strip mining or fracking your way to an end. The idea with any of these habits is building a long-term interaction to protect the investment. Greater lengths of time would ideally represent a continued pattern of becoming more efficient. 

    However, as criticism is given, there's a personal accountability to clean up the mess. Being asked to help after the fact is about lending a hand. Communicating warning signs to prevent things that have yet to happen is another matter. My belief is to be reliable for whichever instance you're trying to help. 

    There is a part of me that believes telling people what to look for is all you should give. As if they will learn to listen next time because your foresight was accurate. Allow them to clean up their own mess, but still be vigilant for the next time. 

    When I started this piece, the idea was to talk about "mannerisms." Which was my clever spice rack about what it means to be a man. Quickly this turned into a story about restaurants and community. The ideals of etiquette; things about hygiene would be represented by sanitation; responsible spending is talked about via investments and skills are described as being learned the hard way. 

    Social codes dictate many of our choices. The types of doors we open and those that will be opened for us depend upon our neighborhood and our sense of adventure. We could wander off. Communities have supply lines and advantageous systems that we fall back to in times of need. Leaving those lifelines behind in search of other openings means greater risk. The rewards are unknown. 

    The ideals of being manly or chivalrous haven't been my first choice to write about. They're simply a compartment of behaviors that affect how we treat each other. Mostly, I work on things to discuss the systems of the planet. As those individual pieces are described, there's a need to discuss decorum. Because if we can work together, the ecology around us benefits. 

    See, when I think about working together, we have awareness about shortcutting the world around us. Are we comfortable? But the collateral damage I spoke about earlier is felt in shockwaves by the environment. Opening the door is wonderful, I hope it keeps the dialogue flowing. There's a broader accountability as things progress beyond the boundaries of our community.

    Our treatment of one another has a nature to it. Predators utilize the element of surprise. Suppose everyone practiced building stronger conscience as time goes on. Age allows people a databank to reflect upon. They form an appreciation for landscapes and have a realization of the preciousness of time. The sort of thing you'd learn as you become a man. 

    Discussions happen throughout your teens when education is the priority. As adults they happen out of necessity or because you volunteer. Almost along the lines of giving blood. Those talks about experiences and various  isms in our world shape choices. Discussions that determine our blueprints inside and out. 

    The generation before me didn't lock doors. A set in the visor over the driver's side or a key under a potted plant in case someone locked you out on accident. There was never an issue with access. Fast forward to today, workplaces practices a standard open-door policy for any issues. Communities have constant struggles between neighbors who've not acknowledged one another. 

    We know our co-workers just not the few families that live on our street or down the hall. Strange how if there's a fire drill you're probably going to act more civilized on the clock than in your neighborhood. I'd like to think we all look out for each other no matter what. That's just one of the simple things I believe it takes to be a man. 

    Don't get me wrong, my list is quite complicated. Manly abilities in my book include, but are not limited to: a great palette for cooking, patience, sanitation, the ability to give foot-rubs in your lap while driving with your lady sitting shotgun, patience, a diverse sense of humor, shoulders that can carry any child (age 9 or under) at least three-quarters of a mile, at least three places to get reliable advice, clear communication, and enough class to take the tension out of any room. 

    Who could live up to such things? Maybe this list might lean toward a specific (type of) man. I will concede that. Just as I would open the door for anyone. My hope is that anyone reading or listening to this begins to turn those mental gears and figuring out your own criteria. 

    Making your determinations of value help shape accountability. When you're formulating structure, the ideals you hold sacred are the materials to build with. The atmosphere of a home creates the quality of man who will leave someday. The impact on him molds the impressions other will have. 

    A difficult world can make anyone question if they're doing a good job. We face those challenges bravely. Lessons that transform a child living in a house to a man with a homeland. Someone with that kind of structure has ideals to defend. 

    People of all walks of life think they have something worth fighting for. Negotiation always beats going to war. Courageous men possess diplomatic skills to both acknowledge and to listen. Making room for anyone to be accepted. Then, each person feels value and has been treated compassionately. A subtle inner peace that brings the quality of life with an open door for any man to become a hero.