The Evidence of Discovery
By Michael L. Craver
This article comes from personally exchanging several hundred thousand messages about dating in my lifetime. Why isn't it a million? Perhaps it is, but I can only verify the 6-digit version.
Each thing I want to express here is an aversion to my public service announcement. This is about having the best experiences possible. My hope is for you to find them entertaining and useful. I had fun putting them together. The term making them up does not apply because I personally use each one of these things.
In my estimation most folks that try to have a conversation are met with this Bell curve of events. There are many people who will exchange less than a dozen messages. The numbers begin to go down when you start talking about exchanging phone numbers or social media information. It's even less likely to have an actual voice or video interaction.
Despite those things, there is a wishbone some folks take to jump straight into trying to meet someone. I don't ever take that option. My recommendation is to filter people through the things you feel aren't necessary. Really evaluating what you deem to be completely necessary.
Myself, I like to know that someone has work, transportation, and ask about their living arrangements. Part of the five things that I ask are about drinking and smoking. However, those are negotiable. If I can establish chemistry and know that we can communicate then there's a big gap for me. Because I like to know how reasonable you are and especially what you do when it's time to argue.
One of the largest minefields in my life has been how people navigate through feelings. Saying vicious things or doing physical shenanigans creates an ugly image of the person. I bring up controversial topics. Asking questions that will be uncomfortable. Things like politics, how to raise children, what would you do in a certain situation.
However lucky I've been to get to those opportunities, I do appreciate that I tend to find more patient people. My favorite hidden quality that you cannot ask about, you must discover it, is patience. Being able to deal with problem solving opportunities. Effectively deal with those opportunities. Because many people will gravitate towards disqualifying any hurdles.
There is a large chunk of folks who wants a potential partner to fit into a box and a series of personality questions as if they're going to rate them for promotion. I have described these folks as particularly unlikely to ever have a partner. Human beings are dynamic and if you can't deal with change, my opinion, is that you will never have a successful relationship.
Now I spoke earlier about having the best experiences possible. My recommendation is to add people across different social media platforms. Almost immediately. Do all your homework. Take the first opportunity to have a voice call and see whether you can flow in a conversation. What do you do to problem solve any awkward subject changes or pauses? Certainly, jump at the chance to get on a video chat. Something like Facebook Messenger.
There is no requirement to be friends to use that service nor is their requirement to be on Skype and talk that way. The video is a real opportunity to see who they say they are. To notice their cadence and watch their mannerisms. You can also verify the few things that you may be skeptical about. Let them show you their car or home. Call him at some odd hours it would be harder to mask lying about a relationship or any other details.
If you have these avenues of opportunity open, your absolute best friend is going to be open ended questions. Folks are quick to have a one-line answer. An emoji in modern times is a simple answer. Your responsibility is to get clarity by asking for details. Hearing it once is too often for me to listen about how someone was told lies.
Situations where they were misled and gave a little piece of them away physically. I think part of you goes away spiritually as well. Because it's harder to believe in the next person and give the same fair opportunity. You'd like to treat everybody as an individual so when the next wonderful guy asks for your phone number you just say of course.
My experience has been clear headed when using modern technology. Patience is especially important to me so I’m not running off to meet a stranger. Loneliness does not negate the need to make an informed decision. As I'm writing this, I’m a happy young man who is dictating this into a semi expensive microphone and then I'm going to edit on a word processor.
However, I could be spending time with someone right now. Perhaps there's a different approach for me now. Finding some sort of peace and balance in the quiet to write this. However, I find it completely powerful and necessary because it allows me to reflect. Having the best strategy and being the best version of me going forward.
People often tell me that they need to get back to writing. I completely sympathize with having a busy schedule. But there's no substitute for the sort of inflection and confidence when you affectively organize your thoughts this way. I hope they find their way back to composing words and hopefully concluding.
My agenda for this piece was simple when I started. To give a few options for having better communication. More telephone calls and video chats will help you. Asking open-ended questions are going to get you in depth answers that make the other person think. Not choose from what is already there. And yet, almost everything that is part of my methodology I decided to experiment with on my own.
I didn't read about any of these things and decide it would be a good idea to give it a shot. Instead, my personality in my walk through the world has been to observe and then adapt. And when I thought someone is fake or they're full of it, that's when I take the time to be patient.
You can go read all these quotes about letting your enemy make a mistake. But sometimes and especially when you're trying to get to know a new person that you would like to possibly incorporate into your life, those are the times that you need to use that patience the most. Great things do not happen overnight.
All the simple wonderful things that I can cook or this plain advice that I can lay on your doorstep, they come from years of trimming away the fat. It's like panning for gold except you're doing it with your time.
As I said to someone, I have been known to take chances. In the end, I would rather have bad stories or experience. It's always better than no experience and empty time. But making informed decisions does give you the edge on the forecast.
When you throw the technology out, two bare skin people are responsible for each other. I've been asked what I’m looking for. My answer to that is aptitude, values, and energy. Three simple things that are quite complicated underneath their own umbrellas.
Aptitude is the fresh decision that you make without a crutch. The person on the other side of the relationship is responsible for part of your finances, your household, and the way that it's raised. Possibly someone who will become your medical proxy. Not only do they represent half of you, they can make the decisions for you.
Values is something that I visualize as my partner standing next to me at any public gathering. Whatever views they hold, you are responsible for tolerating. Not just at home, but in the public eye. So, my advice is to choose someone whose guilt you can live with by association.
Energy represents their level of engagement. There are some extremely admirable and ambitious people that are out there and single. They have nothing left to give a relationship. There are other people who are completely energetic with all the time in the world. However, that doesn't mean it's gonna be a healthy meshing of the molecules. My visualization is someone who bounces sparks from across the room like a Jacob’s ladder.
Hopefully, some of this stuff has resonated with you. If nothing else, you know me a little bit better. But it is my website, and these are my words. I always take this optimism to the page that someone is going to discover something. Because I know that by going through this process of composing the work, I always find a few things.
Sure, I've been accused of talking, just to hear myself. But it's a lot like going hiking just for the walk. You never know what you're going to see. For me, and this subconscious lottery inside, I never know what I'm gonna discover. I approach new people with that same eagle eye. The hope is that together you discover something wonderful with your time. The experience of the human condition in another.
This article comes from personally exchanging several hundred thousand messages about dating in my lifetime. Why isn't it a million? Perhaps it is, but I can only verify the 6-digit version.
Each thing I want to express here is an aversion to my public service announcement. This is about having the best experiences possible. My hope is for you to find them entertaining and useful. I had fun putting them together. The term making them up does not apply because I personally use each one of these things.
In my estimation most folks that try to have a conversation are met with this Bell curve of events. There are many people who will exchange less than a dozen messages. The numbers begin to go down when you start talking about exchanging phone numbers or social media information. It's even less likely to have an actual voice or video interaction.
Despite those things, there is a wishbone some folks take to jump straight into trying to meet someone. I don't ever take that option. My recommendation is to filter people through the things you feel aren't necessary. Really evaluating what you deem to be completely necessary.
Myself, I like to know that someone has work, transportation, and ask about their living arrangements. Part of the five things that I ask are about drinking and smoking. However, those are negotiable. If I can establish chemistry and know that we can communicate then there's a big gap for me. Because I like to know how reasonable you are and especially what you do when it's time to argue.
One of the largest minefields in my life has been how people navigate through feelings. Saying vicious things or doing physical shenanigans creates an ugly image of the person. I bring up controversial topics. Asking questions that will be uncomfortable. Things like politics, how to raise children, what would you do in a certain situation.
However lucky I've been to get to those opportunities, I do appreciate that I tend to find more patient people. My favorite hidden quality that you cannot ask about, you must discover it, is patience. Being able to deal with problem solving opportunities. Effectively deal with those opportunities. Because many people will gravitate towards disqualifying any hurdles.
There is a large chunk of folks who wants a potential partner to fit into a box and a series of personality questions as if they're going to rate them for promotion. I have described these folks as particularly unlikely to ever have a partner. Human beings are dynamic and if you can't deal with change, my opinion, is that you will never have a successful relationship.
Now I spoke earlier about having the best experiences possible. My recommendation is to add people across different social media platforms. Almost immediately. Do all your homework. Take the first opportunity to have a voice call and see whether you can flow in a conversation. What do you do to problem solve any awkward subject changes or pauses? Certainly, jump at the chance to get on a video chat. Something like Facebook Messenger.
There is no requirement to be friends to use that service nor is their requirement to be on Skype and talk that way. The video is a real opportunity to see who they say they are. To notice their cadence and watch their mannerisms. You can also verify the few things that you may be skeptical about. Let them show you their car or home. Call him at some odd hours it would be harder to mask lying about a relationship or any other details.
If you have these avenues of opportunity open, your absolute best friend is going to be open ended questions. Folks are quick to have a one-line answer. An emoji in modern times is a simple answer. Your responsibility is to get clarity by asking for details. Hearing it once is too often for me to listen about how someone was told lies.
Situations where they were misled and gave a little piece of them away physically. I think part of you goes away spiritually as well. Because it's harder to believe in the next person and give the same fair opportunity. You'd like to treat everybody as an individual so when the next wonderful guy asks for your phone number you just say of course.
My experience has been clear headed when using modern technology. Patience is especially important to me so I’m not running off to meet a stranger. Loneliness does not negate the need to make an informed decision. As I'm writing this, I’m a happy young man who is dictating this into a semi expensive microphone and then I'm going to edit on a word processor.
However, I could be spending time with someone right now. Perhaps there's a different approach for me now. Finding some sort of peace and balance in the quiet to write this. However, I find it completely powerful and necessary because it allows me to reflect. Having the best strategy and being the best version of me going forward.
People often tell me that they need to get back to writing. I completely sympathize with having a busy schedule. But there's no substitute for the sort of inflection and confidence when you affectively organize your thoughts this way. I hope they find their way back to composing words and hopefully concluding.
My agenda for this piece was simple when I started. To give a few options for having better communication. More telephone calls and video chats will help you. Asking open-ended questions are going to get you in depth answers that make the other person think. Not choose from what is already there. And yet, almost everything that is part of my methodology I decided to experiment with on my own.
I didn't read about any of these things and decide it would be a good idea to give it a shot. Instead, my personality in my walk through the world has been to observe and then adapt. And when I thought someone is fake or they're full of it, that's when I take the time to be patient.
You can go read all these quotes about letting your enemy make a mistake. But sometimes and especially when you're trying to get to know a new person that you would like to possibly incorporate into your life, those are the times that you need to use that patience the most. Great things do not happen overnight.
All the simple wonderful things that I can cook or this plain advice that I can lay on your doorstep, they come from years of trimming away the fat. It's like panning for gold except you're doing it with your time.
As I said to someone, I have been known to take chances. In the end, I would rather have bad stories or experience. It's always better than no experience and empty time. But making informed decisions does give you the edge on the forecast.
When you throw the technology out, two bare skin people are responsible for each other. I've been asked what I’m looking for. My answer to that is aptitude, values, and energy. Three simple things that are quite complicated underneath their own umbrellas.
Aptitude is the fresh decision that you make without a crutch. The person on the other side of the relationship is responsible for part of your finances, your household, and the way that it's raised. Possibly someone who will become your medical proxy. Not only do they represent half of you, they can make the decisions for you.
Values is something that I visualize as my partner standing next to me at any public gathering. Whatever views they hold, you are responsible for tolerating. Not just at home, but in the public eye. So, my advice is to choose someone whose guilt you can live with by association.
Energy represents their level of engagement. There are some extremely admirable and ambitious people that are out there and single. They have nothing left to give a relationship. There are other people who are completely energetic with all the time in the world. However, that doesn't mean it's gonna be a healthy meshing of the molecules. My visualization is someone who bounces sparks from across the room like a Jacob’s ladder.
Hopefully, some of this stuff has resonated with you. If nothing else, you know me a little bit better. But it is my website, and these are my words. I always take this optimism to the page that someone is going to discover something. Because I know that by going through this process of composing the work, I always find a few things.
Sure, I've been accused of talking, just to hear myself. But it's a lot like going hiking just for the walk. You never know what you're going to see. For me, and this subconscious lottery inside, I never know what I'm gonna discover. I approach new people with that same eagle eye. The hope is that together you discover something wonderful with your time. The experience of the human condition in another.
